4:59 p.m. she looks out the window of her tiny studio apartment. it’s raining. the sound of falling raindrops echos in her ears as she sips her steaming mug of tea. a turn of a page. the click of a pen. a scribble of writing. minutes pass. she closes her journal. stands up. walks over to the window. she looks out at the gloomy, overcast day and gets lost in the mystery of her thoughts. she closes her eyes. she imagines. she can feel the crisp morning air of new york city against her face. the sounds of clicking heels and rustling suit jackets surround her. she takes in the sound of car engines and horns. of bicycles and the unlocking of shop doors. she can see herself. dressed in red plaid pants and a white lace tank with a gray business jacket. she feels the energy of the city and the people. she brushes past a busker. throws a dollar into the guitar case. and sits in the middle of the sidewalk. she pulls out her notebook. writes her observations down. gets up. heads to the coffee shop a few blocks away. she walks up to the counter. orders a small cappuccino with soy milk. grabs her coffee and sits at the table facing the street. she takes out her camera. snaps a picture of the scene in front of her. she begins writing the second installment of an already published novel that’s currently unfini…then she opens her eyes. but now she’s back in her little apartment. looking out the window. holding her mug of tea. she sits back down at the table. and begins writing once again. the world outside goes dark. 5:07 p.m.

what if one day you would be there. in the heart of france, or greece. or new york, or california. imagine living in a cozy apartment in a foreign country with the loveliest view outside your window. what if one day you were working your dream job. spending your days in coffee shops and libraries. what if you were living your wildest imagination. meeting new people who actually meant something to you. taking long walks and pictures. what if you were finding true love. creating relationships and feeling fulfilled and content with life.

sometimes i feel like I’m living a stagnant life. as if I’m not progressing, growing. i feel like i can be more, do more, create more, love more. i constantly want to better myself as a human. i wish i were more kind and selfless. i don’t want to settle for who i am now because there is more to me than what i am now. one thing i’ve learned is that we always want what we cannot have. don’t be jealous. strive for improvement in yourself, never wish to be someone else. you are the only version of yourself out of 8 billion people. isn’t that amazing? why would you want to be anyone else? focus on extending yourself to your maximum potential. be the person you want to be. learn, be intelligent, and continue to find your identity. and be prepared. because in the future you never know what’s waiting for you. working hard and persevering through the hardest of times will help you reach a point where you will be content. you will be happy. and that day you will thank yourself for sticking through it. for allowing yourself to make the mistakes because it allowed you to learn from them. you will thank yourself for the failures and the disappointments. because that day you’ll know that you made it that far. you’ll know that you are completely happy with yourself and who you are. you will know that you deserve everything you have. and you will be proud of yourself. so keep going today. realize that there is so much more to come. keep growing, planning, working, striving. and one day, you’ll be there.

i was thinking about the world. which made me think about the universe. which made me think about the galaxies. which made me think about the creator of all. the higher power. my god. the almighty. the father. the king. he is with you right now. he surrounds us always and he is always our protector. it’s interesting how he created this whole place. this world. and he lets all the bad in the world happen because he knows good will come out of it. i was pondering this for a bit and i feel so spiritually defeated. i don’t know why. but what i realized is that when the day comes that we see christ eye to eye nothing will matter anymore. not the grades. not the numbers of followers. not the looks. not the hurt. not the happiness. not the money. not the friends. nothing will matter. everything that you were working for in this world becomes simply nothing. and that is because when you are face to face with our creator. he only cares for how much you have loved. for how much you cared. for how pure your soul was. in reality none of this matters. the god who gave us all of what we have will take it away within mere milliseconds. because all that will ever matter is your love. your god is a jealous god. he loves you. unexplainably. and when you are no longer here, when this earth becomes a nonexistent memory, when you feel the emptiness of worldly absences that seemed so fulfilling, just remember that all that will ever matter is your love. solely your love. because love always conquers all.

the word sonder means:

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

sonder is just a word. nothing out of the ordinary. except one thing. most of you have probably never heard of it. personally i wasn’t familiar with it before i decided to search up “aesthetic words” on google to find beautiful, intricate, not-so-well known words to name my spotify playlists. now this may seem really weird to you and you’re probably judging me saying “who would search up ‘aesthetic words’ on google to name their music playlists?” okay fine. point taken. but let me explain.

a few days ago i thought “alright it’s the new year! time to make a new playlist!” so me being me, i took this task to its extreme. i began to add music to this years playlist but then realized that instead of having just one playlist this year i should make multiple for my different moods. so i did. i created a playlist for when i’m sad called “walking on waves.” one for when i’m happy called “she was made of sunlight.” one for when i wanted to feel cultured called “golden skinned.” and one for when i wanted to be on a spiritual high called “song of solomon 4:7.”

once i completed the task of renaming and creating playlists i still had my yearly playlists that were simply named by the years they were created. since i spent so much time coming up with phrases for my mood playlists i thought why not name my yearly playlists by lesser known, yet dreamy words that would mean something to me? i came across this thought because one of my friends introduced the word “sonder” to me at a new years party a few days ago. i remembered it and decided that it is probably one of my favorite words. so i searched it up to read the official definition. i’ve always related to realizing the small instances where i wish i could know a person’s life story. whether it be someone in the car across from me at a red light or someone i walk by at a mall. it amazes me that i could be such an insignificant part of their everyday life which makes up their ENTIRE life. i’m constantly in awe of that concept and i continue to wish that i knew everyone’s story. that i could have a meaningful conversation with everyone in the world and have them tell me about how they’ve lived life, their struggles, their small happinesses, their aspirations, their past and their future. though that’s a conversation for another day. but back to the word “sonder.” similarly i felt like there were so many words like it that could have definitions that define something we thought couldn’t be described. words that describe feelings and emotions. not the basic ones like love, hurt, or emptiness, but deeper feelings. feelings and emotions that seem unexplainable. so i searched up “aesthetic words” because i didn’t have another word to describe those types of words.

after searching for an hour or two i came across many, many words that spoke to me. and through that, i think i’ve fallen in love with words all over again. but this time in yet another unexplainable way. i don’t know if there’s a word for it but just remember, words and their meanings are so much more than just words and their meanings. they can define even that which seems undefinable. words create and wield so much power. those who realize that use them wisely and devote themselves to discovering as many of the unknown, underrated words as they can. that’s what i plan on doing. so i started learning a new word everyday and hopefully each one will be a dreamier, crazier word that i may never even use in a sentence. because the easier it is to overlook those types of words and assume that there is no point in knowing them, the more they continue to intrigue me.